I'm back!!!!

It feels great to be back home after being away for over a week.  It is hard to live at someone else's house for over a week, especially with kids.  We had fun seeing the in-laws and cousins and beach combing.  It was REALLY hard to stay the weight loss course.  I find it extremely difficult to drink my water when I am not at work.  Also, I know I did not get all the fruit and veggies I am supposed to eat in a day. And....I ate some ice cream!  I didn't eat awful but it was really hard to live without a scale.  I had no clue.  I figured I was doing terrible, so I figured what the hell, I'll eat more.

It was a very scary thing to weigh myself this morning.  I am up, but only 0.8.  Better than I thought, but still disappointing as I basically wasted 2 weeks of weight loss and for what, some snacks and ice cream.  Not worth it.  I am ready to refocus and reconnect with my ladies to figure out what this weeks challenge will be.  It will be easier this week in the comfort of my own home, but even easier next week when I return to the normal grind.

I had my hair done a week and a bit ago, even had my eye brows and other facial parts waxed.  I felt so good about myself.  I desparately need a hair straightener to help create the ultimate look.  The tough thing was that I was expecting my in-laws to say I looked good or different....they said nothing.  They knew I was losing weight and what I was trying to do with my eating, so instead of saying I looked good, they offered me a diet that really worked for them.  My sister-in-law is very fit and trim (some natural, but she also works for it).  She is such a great person and so much fun to be around.  My mom-in-law made a few comments when we were around her that if I was to paraphrase said " your sister-in-law is so thin, you are fat".  Now was that what she said?  No, but it is amazing how your mind can intrepret things at when you are feeling vulnerable.  I know I am overweight, I know other people know I am overweight, so I am not sure why I would expect someone to say or act any different.  It is tough when you compare yourself to someone else.  It is quite toxic how you can cut yourself down. I did a bit of that when I was away, and it sure didn't help my motivation.  You think it would, you see something you are striving for, so it makes you strive harder.  It can, but it can also seem so unattainable that why bother.  I felt the latter.  And no matter what anyone said or didn't say, it was me who made me feel that way.

But I am ready to shake that off, lean on my support system and get myself back into the groove I was having before I left.

The gym will have to be on hold a bit longer as an x-ray of my left foot today shows two fractures in it.  Glad the mystery of the swollen, sore left foot is solved, the solution sucks though and means that my weight loss is going to have to come from proper eating alone.  But I can and will do it.  As my kids have learned in kung fu " I can, I must, I will".