Crash and Burn

So ladies, confession time.  I crashed and burned on my own challenge last night. I ate my dinner after 8pm AND then I snacked.  I am really embarassed and disappointed in myself.  I know that it does no good to beat myself up about it, but if I can't get with the program the weight will not go anywhere.  The scale moved this morning - the wrong way by a pound.  Shouldn't weigh myself everyday, but I am kind of addicted to it.

I woke up early today to use the elliptical I have in my basement.  It has been folded up for over a year, do you think I could figure out how to set it up?  No way, I did a few sit ups and then went about my day in a cranky way.  I came home tonight and I am cranky.  My house is messy, I had to make dinner (which I hate doing) and I am still disappointed in myself.  So of course I am cranky with my kids and husband when it is not them I have a problem with.  It's me.  Only I can make the changes I need to make to succeed.  Only I can make myself happier with my life and general existance.  No one is holding me back other than me.  It is just hard to shake a funk sometimes and I find I let it invade every part of my life.

I want to be that super mom who can work, keep a house clean, cook and bake and be able to relax and have fun.  I want to be that wife that is happy, supportive, fun and playful.  But if I feel I am not succeeding at one of those things, I talk myself into the fact that I am a failure at them all.  I know that is not true, but it can feel so overwhelming and so unattainable sometimes. 

I did have some successes today.  I drank all my water (yeh me!).  Here is what I consummed:

Breakfast - 1 cup cheerios
Lunch - green salad with fat free italian, apple
Snack - 1 cup cherrios and grande non-fat chai tea frap (yummy)
Supper - 1.5 cups spagetti with homemade meat sauce with veggies

I am going to succeed at not snacking tonight.  I am also going to take a break from beating myself up about the things I believe I am not succeeding at and pat myself on the back for the good things about me.

We are all a work in progress and change will not happen over night.  Here is hoping for a better day tomorrow.  And most of all, just feeling better about myself tomorrow and not taking my frustrations out on my family.