New Years Resolution - Was there any doubt?

Wow, did I ever drop the ball.  I pretty much stopped everything, my blog, my weight loss challenge, working out....just completely off the wagon, so to speak.  Well, here I am, back on new years eve when all things seem to be possible.  The excitement and anticipation of a new year, fresh with no problems or issues, full of promise.  I have been here before, many times, with the same intention, to make a resolution and stick to it.  So is this time going to be any different?

Well a lot has happened this past fall.  Most recently I had my back surgery.  It was not as successful as it needed to be.  Only one tumour could be removed and I am left with nerve damage in my left foot (damn left foot) making it completely numb and effecting my balance.  In that first week of my recovery in the hospital, my hubby and I discussed things we want to do and places we want to go, both realizing that my back is going to continue to affect our lives going forward, in ways that are not yet known.  So we both need to live in the now, because it is all we have.  We both also realize that we owe it to ourselves and our kids to make our health a priority.  That means getting active and in both of our cases, dropping the weight.  For me, I know that my body is going to challenge me and I need to be ready, my body, mind and spirit need to be strong because I know I am going to be challenged. 

So, I am going to work towards this goal, with my husband at my side.  It is no longer a matter of just weight, it is overall health and quality of life that we are working hard for.  It still is in line with my goal to be fab inside and out by the time I am 40 years old.  I want to make me the priority and make some tough changes in my life.  I need to get moving, experiment in the kitchen and do things that make me happy.  I need to take the time to have fun, have fun with my kids.  Play.....just play with them.  My boys are getting older and I want them to have these wonderful memories of me. 

As you can see, this "resolution" has more components than just weight, but that sure is a big part of it.  This is something I need to do for myself and my family, my health and my life.  It is going to be tough and uncomfortable, but necessary.  This blog is going to help me talk about my challenges, successes and frustrations along this road.  I know that it is going to be something I rely on going forward.

I know I can do this, but I am nervous about failure and my expectations.  But I am going to do it, I am going to do it.  I can, I must, I will.

My hubby and I weigh in tomorrow....yikes!! Just a starting point an a life journey that we are going to do together!!

Until then, please have a great new years.  We are having a low key night at home, watching movies, playing games, and eating the last of the junk from Christmas!  This is not a resolution, this is a decision to make me a priority, to put my health first.

Wish me luck.  2012, I need you to be a good one!

Long Time, No Blog

Life is busy, pretty good, but busy.  Okay, the update.  No progress on the scale this week, no movement at all.  I have not kept a detailed food journal (at least not every day), I eat after 8pm (today is no different) and I have snacked.  I am disappointed with myself.  I honestly don't know what is holding me back.  I want to do better and I know I can, just not sure what I am missing.  I start each day fresh, with the best intentions, but somehow I allow myself to do what I know doesn't work for me.  Part of the reason is life - lets face it, its busy.  But I am not ever going to get away from busy as long as I work full time, am a full-time mom and and full-time wife.  Now I do not do all jobs perfect at all times, but my life will not be not busy for many years.  And lets face it, other people are just as busy and have found the magic, the time to improve themselves.  They make time.  We all have the ability to make time for ourselves.

My work weightloss contest starts next Friday.  I am on a team with 5 others and we all have to lose at least 10 lbs in 12 weeks.  If our team loses the most weight or most reduction in BMI, we all win $200.  I am telling you, I feel pressure.  It is a totally doable goal, but I don't want to let me team down and we have all seen the lack of progress I have made in a lot longer of a time period.  I hope I don't let them down.

My foot is still broken.  I am in this dumb robo-boat for at least 2 more weeks, probably more like 3.  Very annoying.  Just something else in my arsonal of excuses.

Ok, enough complaining.  Life is pretty good.  Work is busy, but interesting.  It is my 10 year wedding anniversary tomorrow and my hubby and I get to go on a date on Saturday.  A DATE!!!! NO KIDS!!!! ADULT MOVIE (not porn).  I am so excited.  We don't get to do this very often, so I am really looking forward to it....REALLY.

Next week ladies - we need to get another goal going.  This is a marathon we are running, but we need a little sprint to perk us up and get us some results. 

What a hectic week!

Hump day and I am exhausted.  It has been such a busy week - work, kids, home - but I think I am keeping it together.

So I started the week on the scale - up 0.8 lbs - my luck has run out.  But I deserve to have it run out, I was relying on it rather than my own hard work for this weight loss, and I knew that it wouldn't work.  So I e-mailed my ladies on Monday morning saying "its on like donkey kong".  Now that it is Wednesday, I can say I did not hold true to that entirely.

Out challenge this week is to exercise 3 times this week and to do the detail food journalling.  I have not yet done any real exercise, but I have been writing my food journal (I will give you the summary at the end).  I also said I would drink my water (yes I have) and not eat after 8pm.  I have not stuck to the not eating after 8 this week - in fact, most of my dinners have been around 8, just due to life.  But I even snacked after that one of the nights.  I am hoping to get better and stronger at that.  Stronger willpower.

I have been at a coaching workshop at work the last two days.  It was quite insightful and the speaker was so inspirational and powerful.  Humans have the want to avoid discomfort.  This can be true in all aspects of life, especially in the weightloss category.  We have a goal, to weight less, be healthier, but for whatever reason we allow ourselves to get off track, to stray from our goal.  We do this because, it is challenging, it is uncomfortable to make a change.  What I want to say to myself and my ladies, is it is tough, but the goal needs to be the focus, that needs to become more important than the small things (doughnuts) that give us comfort.  Because the comfort is short lived and what you are left with is disappointment with ourselves.  Focus on the goal ladies - I will too!

Here is the food journal for you all:

Monday
Breakfast:
2 pieces whole wheat toast with PB

Lunch:
big salad with feta and fat-free italian dressing
carrots
nectarine

Supper:
veggie stirfry
1 cup rice

Snack
Handful of almonds
prezels dipped in chocolate pudding (yummy)

Tuesday:(awful veggie day)
Breakfast:
coffee
oatmeal

Lunch:
1/2 tuna sandwick on ww
1/2 ham sandwich on ww
1.5 cookies

Supper:
2 egg salad sandwiches

Wednesday (so far)
Breakfast:
Nada!

Lunch:
veggie stirfry with 3/4 cup rice
nectarine

Supper: (not yet eaten)
Green salad with chicken and almonds

Thats it for me.  I have work to do tonight.  I am looking forward to the weekend.  I will hopefully have my foot x-rayed on Friday and hopefully, it will be clear and healed, I want to get back to the gym.

PS - my "new years resolution" with organization, is going well.  And I know I feel less stressed and I know my family does as well.  I hope I can keep it up.

I have a horseshoe up my butt!

By some kind of miracle I was down 2.2 lbs this week!!!  I am truly relieved and mystified.  I didn't have a terrible week eating, but it wasn't my best.  I had pizza - twice and ice cream, I snacked, didn't drink my water.....just not my best week.  So it is puzzling that even given all that I managed to be down.  Not that I am complaining.  It just baffles me that on the weeks that I am strict, to the letter of the law, it is a struggle to be down a pound, let alone 2.  But that does not mean that I am sticking to the bad, vacation eating.  No way - I am back on track with this fab40 project.  I am determined to continue on my weight loss, work with my girls and work on my overall self.  Because as I have said, for me, this is not just a weight loss journey, this is an overall life journey.  I want to be happier, healthier and more beautiful in mind, body and spirit.  My life is by no means broken, I have a lot to be thankful for, I just know that I can make it better and make myself better.

First day of school today for my boys.  Brings me back to when I went to school.  You guessed it, I was the geek who loved starting school and studying.  It was so much fun to get a new desk, new teacher and of course all the new school supplies.  Now I get to live it through my kids.  It is kind of neat that I get to go through all that again.  As I mentioned in my last post, my "new years resolution" is to be more organized.  This is a part of me that I know if I made better, not only would I be happier, but my whole family and household would be happier.  I think being organized and having a plan can take the stress out of a busy life.  This betterment will be harder for me than the weight loss.  I know that I can have more weight loss success if I am more organized.

I think our challenge this week is doing 20 to 30 minutes of exercise 3 times this week.  I will have to get a bit creative with this one with my broken foot hindering me, but I know I can do it.  I think we have a new friend going our challenge and our fight, and I want to welcome her to the team and wish her the best of luck.  It is amazing how having a common goal can create relationships and a connection.

I talk to you all later and let you know how my first week back has been.  So far, so good!

Still eating like I am on vacation

Well I am still off work this week and it sure shows in my eating and drinking patterns.  I think part of it has to do with the fact that the scale didn't give me too bad of a number when I got back from my away vacation.  So why not gamble this week too and eat willy nilly and see what happens.  Well I will have to face that tomorrow morning.  I have not been weighing myself daily or multiple times a day as I have this heavy boot on my broken left foot.  My ladies and I need to come up with a good challenge this week that will keep me motivated and kick my butt.

It will be good to get back to work.  It will help my having a more structured schedule.  I do need to figure out what to do in unstructured environments as I hope to take vacation again someday.

Today has been a pretty good day. I spent the morning outside playing with the boys.  When the little one napped, I read a book....I haven't done that in a really long time.  It has been a good day and I hope I have another one tomorrow.  Although, tomorrow I want that to involve drinking the water I need to be doing daily and eating the fruits and veggies.

My sister had a baby girl on Thursday.  Her name is Madison Audrey.  I am so happy for her and so excited I have a girl to buy for.  Part of me was jealous (I seem to have a green monster problem) as although I don't want any more kids, I will always wonder what it would be like to have a daughter.  I am sure it is a different dynamic than the mother/son one.  I really hope that I do the right things while my kids are small that will make them want to be around me when they are older.  I think I am, but it sometimes feels like I am being selfish as I need and want time for myself.  The weeks are so busy and with school starting next week and everyone back at work, time will be slim and very valuable.  I am going to have to get more organized if I am going to survive it with my sanity and my hair.  And I am not organically built to be organized, I have to work on it.  I do love September, it has always felt like new years more than January did.  So my new years resolution(s) are to be more organized, cook at home, stick to my fab40 project and to be more organized!

I will be in contact with my ladies on Tuesday to figure out our challenge.  I am looking forward to the week.

I'm back!!!!

It feels great to be back home after being away for over a week.  It is hard to live at someone else's house for over a week, especially with kids.  We had fun seeing the in-laws and cousins and beach combing.  It was REALLY hard to stay the weight loss course.  I find it extremely difficult to drink my water when I am not at work.  Also, I know I did not get all the fruit and veggies I am supposed to eat in a day. And....I ate some ice cream!  I didn't eat awful but it was really hard to live without a scale.  I had no clue.  I figured I was doing terrible, so I figured what the hell, I'll eat more.

It was a very scary thing to weigh myself this morning.  I am up, but only 0.8.  Better than I thought, but still disappointing as I basically wasted 2 weeks of weight loss and for what, some snacks and ice cream.  Not worth it.  I am ready to refocus and reconnect with my ladies to figure out what this weeks challenge will be.  It will be easier this week in the comfort of my own home, but even easier next week when I return to the normal grind.

I had my hair done a week and a bit ago, even had my eye brows and other facial parts waxed.  I felt so good about myself.  I desparately need a hair straightener to help create the ultimate look.  The tough thing was that I was expecting my in-laws to say I looked good or different....they said nothing.  They knew I was losing weight and what I was trying to do with my eating, so instead of saying I looked good, they offered me a diet that really worked for them.  My sister-in-law is very fit and trim (some natural, but she also works for it).  She is such a great person and so much fun to be around.  My mom-in-law made a few comments when we were around her that if I was to paraphrase said " your sister-in-law is so thin, you are fat".  Now was that what she said?  No, but it is amazing how your mind can intrepret things at when you are feeling vulnerable.  I know I am overweight, I know other people know I am overweight, so I am not sure why I would expect someone to say or act any different.  It is tough when you compare yourself to someone else.  It is quite toxic how you can cut yourself down. I did a bit of that when I was away, and it sure didn't help my motivation.  You think it would, you see something you are striving for, so it makes you strive harder.  It can, but it can also seem so unattainable that why bother.  I felt the latter.  And no matter what anyone said or didn't say, it was me who made me feel that way.

But I am ready to shake that off, lean on my support system and get myself back into the groove I was having before I left.

The gym will have to be on hold a bit longer as an x-ray of my left foot today shows two fractures in it.  Glad the mystery of the swollen, sore left foot is solved, the solution sucks though and means that my weight loss is going to have to come from proper eating alone.  But I can and will do it.  As my kids have learned in kung fu " I can, I must, I will".

T-Minus 4 days!!!

I am on vacation in 4 days - whoot, whoot!!  I am so excited.  Of course being on vacation will create a challenge in and of itself.  I am going to do my very best to stick to what is working for me - no eating after 8pm and cut out starchy carbs.

Success was the name of the day with all my girls dropping some great pounds.  I got on the scale and am down 3.2 lbs.  That takes me out of the 200's.  I told my husband he is no longer married to a deuce!  I hope to keep it that way and reduce it even further.  It is great that my girls and I all had such a successful week.  When you achieve success, you crave more.  I hope we can all keep the momentum going.

The challenge this week is 5 servings of veggies a day.  At first I thought I had this in the bag, but not so much.  I have been really great at eating salads and veg for lunch, but I seem to have it taper off by dinner time.  So on first glance I thought the challenge this week would be a breeze, but after not meeting the challenge today, not so easy.

To help me with this challenge, I need to improve my food journaling, take a page from my friend Kelly's page.

Breakfast
1 cup oatmeal
meduim double double

Lunch
2 cups spinach
1/4 cup craisins
20 almonds
2 tsbp calorie wize poppy seed dressing
1 nectarine

Snack
10 cashews

Supper
2 california rolls (white rice - starchy carb, but yummy)
1 Sunomono salad
1 cookie

Snacking after 8 - NO WAY!!!
Water - Not quite today - harder when I have the coffee in the morning
5 servings of veggies - nope - and I am going to find out what a serving is so I can do better tomorrow.

Feeling good about my progress and great about my girls progress.  Hope I can beat this challenge tomorrow!

Two steps forward, half a step back?

This week has flown by.  So glad it is it Friday!!! In one week, I am on vacation!!! I am very much looking forward to some down time.  I am also getting my hair cut and coloured next Friday.  This is another part of the Fab 40 project, doing things for myself and putting some effort in my appearance.  My hair is, in short, a disaster!!  It is so fuzzy and knotted - totally unmanagable.  I hope that the hairdresser can work so magic for me.

So my week has been like my title says it - mostly good and a little bad.  I will vow to take a page from my BFF Kelly's page and start doing a proper food journal.  But here it is in a nut shell.  I have had a lot of salad, fruits and some meat.  I have been doing pretty good with avoiding the bad starchy carbs - that is until today.  I went for lunch with my boss and we got an appetizer of bread with some dip.  I told myself, just a couple pieces, but my best laid plans were cast aside when I tasted how great that bread was.  My lunch was good - salmon, brown rice and roasted veg. 

I had one night with snacking in it - an apple with PB and some crackers.  But I am okay with it.  I felt bad about it, but I truly have avioded snacking more and better than I ever thought I would.  So although it was a two steps forward and a half step back, I feel good about my week.  I know I am working hard and I know I will achieve my goal, I am positive about it.  Clothes are feeling better, and I feel better about myself.

What is helping me is my husband is now really focused on losing weight too.  Not that I need him to be to succeed, but it sure helps to be on the same page and have someone else to hold you up when you think you are going to crack.  So I consider myself a lucky girl - I have a supportive husband and supportive friends - I can't fail with all that support.

I need to step up my exercise.  I still have not figured out a routine that will work now that hubby is back at work, but we will figure it out and I will make it happen. 

I am looking forward to a great weekend and being productive as well as healthy.  The scale has been my friend this week and I want it to do the same on Monday when it counts!

Good week - happy Kim!

New Week - New Challenge

So a new week has begun.  We are down to one computer at home at the moment, one in for repair, one just not worth repairing.  So my husband is nice enough to let me use his work one until our home one is returned.

So I stepped on the scale yesterday morning.  It played a few tricks on me, changing the weight a few times, but I think I finally settled on 200.6.  It hit that a couple times.  So that is 1 lb down.  I am pleased, but man that one pound was hard to achieve.  I spent so much time concentrating on my eating and water, that I thought it would be more than a pound.  But at least I saw a change.

I promised myself I would hit the gym this week....I haven't yet.  I have however been on a bike ride the last two nights.  I have pushed myself, I am talking some hills.  There sure is a difference being on a stationary bike and hitting a hill and being on a real bike, on the pavement willing yourself up a hill.  I pushed a little too far tonight and had to get off my bike mid hill - I just couldn't make it up!!! But now I have a benchmark, now I have a goal, I will make it up the hill!

The challenge this week is no bad carbs, startches (white rice, bread, pasta, crackers).  We are allowing ourselves 4 small servings of a whole grains, such as quinoa or barley.  This challenge is on top of the water challenge and the no eating after 8.  I am very excited about it.  I have been really good at eating only salad/veggies, fruit and a yogurt for breakfast and lunch.  Last night I had some roast beef and steamed broccoli/carrots/peppers.  Tonight I had a bowl of vegetarian chili with 2 tbs of cheddar cheese (yummy) and a green salad.  I have avoided the starch and I am not eating after 8 pm.  I feel so empowered that I can stick to not snacking in the evening, it is an amazing feeling.  Does white rice have a nice smell?  It did to me tonight - I so wanted it.  RICE!!! I resisted.  The thing with family and kids is that you still need to provide a full meal to them.  The growing boys need all the food groups, so I have to continue to work on my willpower by cooking the foods I need to avoid.  Of course, they can benefit by eating new things, but my boys would never eat vegitarian chili!

I was at the hospital today getting injected with some nuclear medicine, a dye.  I have to go for a scan tomorrow and Thursday.  The doctors want to see if my back tumuors will accept this dye.  If so, this will be an option to help slow the growth of the tumours when surgery is not an option.  I am trying not to think about it too much, but the thought of me not being able to have surgery to remove the tumuors and if this "chemo-type" treatment won't work - what does that mean for me?  It is out of my hands, so I do not have much control over it.

On a funny note, my middle boy had some white powder in his hair tonight and I asked what it was.  He said "we were making bombs at daycare today".  They learned to make baking powder bombs - fun to be a kid.

The week is shaping out good.  I am in control of what I am doing and what I am eating.  I need to up the exercise but I am happy with what I am doing and what my girsl are doing too!  We can do this!

Why is the weekend over already?

I can hardly believe it is Sunday evening.  It always feels like not enough gets accomplished on the weekend and then you are thrown into another week.  We had a good day today, out on a bike ride.  We didn't make it too far as the route was sandy, proving very difficult for the boys to ride in.  I then slipped as I was walking on some loose gravel and have garbled up my knee.  I have been making good progress on my water today, but I believe I will break a rule and eat dinner after 8pm, as it is already after 7pm and the man who is supposed to cook is out mowing the lawn.  So we will have to eat after the kids go to bed.  Which is nice from time to time, but kind of breaks the nighttime eating rule.  Of course my real weigh in is tomorrow morning, so I am picking the worst night to do this.  But, this is real life.  Sometimes things get in the way.  If we keep it healthy I should come out okay.....hopefully.

Like I said in my last post, the scale is my friend and enemy.  I am obsessed with it and I hope to see at least a pound down tomorrow morning.  I actually think I will be in a bad mood if I don't see it.  I still have not worked out a great work week schedule with my husabnd, so it will be a little 'fly by the seat of my pants'.  But I plan to make it to the gym at least 3 times this week.  I am not sure what days or if I am going morning or nights, it will be what it will be.  I might even be able to nail down a schedule with my husband tonight - he needs to make time for the gym too.

Two more weeks of work and I am on vacation for two weeks.  I am soooo excited!!! I haven't had time off since Christmas and it is really needed.  I hope that I can keep some routine to my days and make the right choices.  I am spending a week with my in-laws on the island.  I am looking forward to it, but they are good cooks.  Lots of oil, flavour, fat, yummy, yummy food.  But they do eat a lot of salads, so I will do my best.

Well, I will talk to my ladies tomorow and figure out the challenge for the week.

See you then!

I hate the scale!

I am obsessed with the scale.  I seem to be on there more than once a day, just checking out the number.  I am elated when I see it down a pound, and then I am disappointed when it isn't the same 4 hours and a meal later.  Am I crazy??  I am the only one obsessed with it?  Kind of feels like it. Feels like I am putting my self worth and happiness into a 3 digit number.  I just really want to see those numbers go down and soon.

I know that I am making a lifestyle change for the betterment of myself and my family, and I am doing well with it.  This will be the 4th night in a row that I ate dinner before 8pm and didn't snack (at least I can say that so far).  I am eating more veggies and drinking more water.  I did not drink my water quota today, but I should be able to get a few more glasses in before bed. 

I just recall a time, in my 20's, where the results from working this hard would just fall in my lap.  I recall losing 7 lbs the first week on Weight Watchers.  I may have to resort to counting points, I know my food journaling hasn't been the best. 

The family and I are going on a big bike ride tomorrow.  It will be nice to get out and be active.  My foot is still an issue, but I am determined to figure out a workable workout schedule with my husband this week.  I really need to step up the game if I ever hope to be down even 20lbs by the end of October.  The days and weeks seem to fly by.

For the coming week, I am not sure what the challenge will be, I will touch base with the ladies on that.  But I know I will continue with the water and no-snacking challenge.  I know those two things are going to be a secret to my overall success.

I vow to get my measurements (scary) and a full body pic next week (even scarier!).  It will help me to see changes any way I can.  If it is in inches and not as much in pounds, so be it.

My girls and I have had a rough week, physically and emotionally.  We have all promised to step up the game and stop beating ourselves up for what didn't get done yesterday.  Again, we are in it for the marathon, not the sprint.

I hope my ladies are having a lovely, relaxing weekend.  Wish we could all be together.

Crash and Burn

So ladies, confession time.  I crashed and burned on my own challenge last night. I ate my dinner after 8pm AND then I snacked.  I am really embarassed and disappointed in myself.  I know that it does no good to beat myself up about it, but if I can't get with the program the weight will not go anywhere.  The scale moved this morning - the wrong way by a pound.  Shouldn't weigh myself everyday, but I am kind of addicted to it.

I woke up early today to use the elliptical I have in my basement.  It has been folded up for over a year, do you think I could figure out how to set it up?  No way, I did a few sit ups and then went about my day in a cranky way.  I came home tonight and I am cranky.  My house is messy, I had to make dinner (which I hate doing) and I am still disappointed in myself.  So of course I am cranky with my kids and husband when it is not them I have a problem with.  It's me.  Only I can make the changes I need to make to succeed.  Only I can make myself happier with my life and general existance.  No one is holding me back other than me.  It is just hard to shake a funk sometimes and I find I let it invade every part of my life.

I want to be that super mom who can work, keep a house clean, cook and bake and be able to relax and have fun.  I want to be that wife that is happy, supportive, fun and playful.  But if I feel I am not succeeding at one of those things, I talk myself into the fact that I am a failure at them all.  I know that is not true, but it can feel so overwhelming and so unattainable sometimes. 

I did have some successes today.  I drank all my water (yeh me!).  Here is what I consummed:

Breakfast - 1 cup cheerios
Lunch - green salad with fat free italian, apple
Snack - 1 cup cherrios and grande non-fat chai tea frap (yummy)
Supper - 1.5 cups spagetti with homemade meat sauce with veggies

I am going to succeed at not snacking tonight.  I am also going to take a break from beating myself up about the things I believe I am not succeeding at and pat myself on the back for the good things about me.

We are all a work in progress and change will not happen over night.  Here is hoping for a better day tomorrow.  And most of all, just feeling better about myself tomorrow and not taking my frustrations out on my family. 

Half Empty or Half Full?

Well I hope everyone had a great long weekend.  I took a little road trip to Spokane with the family for shopping and fun.  And it was fun.  Not as much good shopping as I expected, but my husband devoted an entire, non-complaining day at a few malls - priceless and I love him for it.  I discovered that all those crazy amusement parks rides I loved as a child I cannot handle as an adult.  Kinda pathetic!

So am I half empty or half full??? I like to think I am more half full than half empty - just doesn't always feel that way when I think about myself and my weight.  I made some good choices this weekend and some not so great ones.  First, I did not succeed on my water challenge this weekend - not at all.  I was good Friday night (turkey sub at Subway).  Saturday morning, I had an egg white scramble with spinach and tomatoes.  In fact all day Saturday I chose the lite options from the menu.  It meant eating a lot of steamed broccoli, but it was good. Until dessert Saturday night.  We ordered two desserts to share, except no one shared with me.  It was glorious, a big ball of vanilla ice cream rolled in toasted coconut drizzled in chocolate sauce.  SOOOOO good!!  Sunday got worse with a hotdog at the ammusement park and then a steak dinner with a loaded potato and steamed broccoli again.  On our way home on Monday, I had poached eggs, turkey bacon and toast for breakfast and grilled KFC for lunch.

So after a full weekend - good and bad choices - I stepped on the scale this morning.  Save the drum roll, still 201.6.  Should I be happy I didn't gain, or angry that I didn't lose? I have waffled all day long.  I really want to see something on the scale, but what should I expect when I wasn't exercising last week and had only an okay weekend eating. 

But I am back in the mode this week.  The new challenge is not eating after dinner.  This is a tough one for me.  But I am going to try my best.  I made it through all my water today - I rock at that.  I had cherrios for breakfast and a salad with rice cakes for lunch.  Supper is undertermined as I write this.  I need to get better on planning.  Just waiting for payday to do a big shop.

On another note, I had to give someone at my work a copy of my drivers license.  She commented, in kinda a surprised way what a great picture it is.  I shrugged it off with a little comment "that was 5 years ago when I cared about what I looked like".  And that is kind of true.  My hair is done, my make-up on, and I am wearing a nice purple sweater.  I don't spend enough time on me.  I can rationalize it by saying I don't have enough time, but if it was a priority, I would make the time.  And that is what this project is about - making a better me.

Here's to a good week ladies!  And a better result on the scale next week!

My Left Foot - Not the Movie

My foot still hurts.  I went to the physio today.  I saw him a month ago for my left foot, and he told me to go back to my doctor and get orthodics.  Did I do any of those things....no.  I had the intention to do it.  My foot remained swollen but didn't hurt and I had so many other doctor appointments in the last month, I just couldn't be bothered with my foot.  But of course now the foot really bothers me.  So I show up, swallow crow and make him do a treatment on me as I told him "you couldn't make it worse".  And he didn't.  I think it actually feels a bit better.  Still sore and swollen, but I think a bit better.  Not sure if it really is or I am just wishing it is.

Well, eating today went a little sideways. On the good note, I drank all my water and I am making myself a beautiful veggie stirfry for supper as we speak.  I did have a bagel for breakfast and a small piece of spinach quiche for lunch.  But as Kelly said, baby steps and not as bad as fries and a burger.  Tomorrow is a new day and I will do better.

Didn't keep my promise last night to not snack - I ate crackers and cherries.  Crackers - I love them.

So, this will be my last post until next week.  My biggest challenge this week - going away for the long weekend, eating out, having fun.  But I feel good about it. I am going to make the best choices I can and just be as good as I can, but still enjoy myself.  I really want to see the results on the scale, and so far I have not seen it budge.  It can be discouraging.  But I am trying to focus on bigger picture, I know I am making healthier choices for myself and my family.  And by doing that, consistently, I know the pounds will start to come off.

Have a great long weekend ladies.  I will touch base on Monday!!!

Day #3 - Blah!

Well I didn't do as well for supper last night as I had hoped for myself.  I had 2 egg salad sandwiches, a cup of cherries and then I had some snacks.  I ate sunflower seeds and crackers.  The evening snacking is the really hard part for me.

Here is the food list from today:
Breakfast - coffee (double, double) & cherrios
Lunch - Spinach salad with strawberries and almonds (sound familiar), banana, cherries and a granola bar
Snack - handful of cashews
Supper - about 4 oz of steak, 1 cup pasta with parmasen cheese and some raw veggies

Hopefully that is all I eat today.  I still feel somewhat hungry, but that is to be expected when you start reducing what you are used to eating.  And that is what I have to do if I want to lose weight.

The blah part of today is that my left foot, my frickin' left foot is revolting against me.  It hurts so much it is very hard to walk, so I kinda walk on the side of my foot which puts strain on my knee.  So basically my whole leg hurts.  What ticks me off most is there is no tangible reason why it hurts so much.  I have a doctors appointment for it next week, but I am contemplating going to a walk in clinic tomorrow if it still hurts this much.  I am basically feeling, the why me, oh whoa is me.  I feel like I have enough things to worry about regarding my back, that it is just not fair that I have this foot thing too.  Plus the foot thing is preventing me from doing the exercise I really need to do in order to help me with this weight loss.  I won't succeed on just watching my food.

But, my friends remind me that it is baby steps, and at least I am getting my water in and watching what I eat.  I will get back to the exercise as soon as I can.  A change in lifestyle is a marathon, not a sprint.  But of course you want the results of a sprint.

I am sure this writing every day will start to slow, but for now I am enjoying sharing my daily feelings and challenges.

I am hoping the blah's are gone by tomorrow.  Wish me luck on my mission to avoid snacking tonight.  After the way I feel today, that will be my biggest challenge this week.  So far.....

Day #2 - Busy day - My Family is Home again!

First lets just say, water challenge done for the day so any more tonight with dinner is just bonus.

My husband and oldest boys are back tonight from a few days away.  With them came hugs, smiles, stories and.....PIZZA!!! One of my biggest challenges is that I do not like cooking or thinking about what to cook, so I am easily tempted when my husband suggests we do something other than have me cook a meal.  Tonight though, I am remaining strong and will eat something other than pizza for dinner.  As much as I love pizza and it smells oh so good... and there is a tiny piece with just cheese on it....I am going to resist.  What good is it to cave on day 2.  I am not sure what I am eating for supper, but I will detail it out tomorrow.

Breakfast - 1 cup cherrios
Lunch - Spinach salad with almonds and strawberries (I know Kelly is grossed out by fruit in my salad), yogurt and a banana, oh and some hummus with 5 crackers
Snack - more cherrios - love those things

Not a great veggie day, but not too bad as spinach packs a good punch.  I will be good.

As for my plan to work out tomorrow, my stupid left foot that has been sore and swollen on and off for months, is back to being sore and swollen as of 3pm today.  This foot thing really ticks me off.  I will have to make time to head back to the doctor to see what if anything can be done.  I am not going to make my goal if I am not working out at least 5 times a week.  So I need to get to the gym.  I should also get off my butt and dust off the elliptical I have in the basement.  I will dust it off and use it before the week is through.

Hope my challenge ladies had a great day.  Off to put the kids to bed and relax a bit with the hubby.

Week 1 Challenge - Water, H2O, Aqua...at least 8 cups a day

Now let me start by saying, I have this challenge in the bag....Monday to Friday that is.  For the past few weeks, I have had a purple, litre sized water bottle at work.  It is great, I fill it up first thing with cold, bottled water, get another at lunch, and if I haven't spent too much time in the bathroom, I may go a third.  The weekend is a different story.  For whatever reason, eating and water are harder on the weekend.  I am not sure why I make it sound like I don't know the reason.  Of course the weekends are harder, they aren't as structured.  It is easier during the work week, you pack something specific for lunch and hopefully have a dinner planned.

Day 1 has been good.  Water - done!  I had a great quinoa salad for lunch and am having perogies (boiled with salsa) and a green salad.  With my hubby and 2 oldest kids away, I have not had the chance to get to the gym this week.  But they are back tomorrow, so the exercise will begin again.  Not fun how in your 30's, you have to do both the exercising and the eating healthy.  But it is what it is, so I will do what I can.

My day 1 weight is 201.7 lbs - yuck.  My measurements, are not done, and will not be pretty.  I will post them as soon as I have them done.

On a sad note, I heard today that a co-worker of mine passed away.  We do not know how yet.  I did not know him well and didn't work directly with him.  But he seemed like such a nice man, always had a great smile.  Not old and with a little boy, it is a brutual reminder that life is too short and that you don't always know what is going to happen next.  So live every day to the fullest and don't put off to tomorrow what can be done today.

That's it - have a great night.

Fab By Forty Project - A Background

My first post - my first blog.  Thought it would be best to tell a bit about myself and why this project, what is this project and why now.

My name is Kim, I'm 35 years old, married with 3 little boys.  You'll hear more about them later.  This project is all about me.

Fabulous by forty is my mantra to motivate me to change things in my life that need to be changed.  I want to lose weight and be healthy. That is the most important and hardest thing to change.  But fabulous by forty is not all about image and health, I want to make time for me and my interests.  Figure out what those interests are, and make time for them.  I think a lot of women with kids can relate that at times you feel a little lost in the mix.  Everyones needs come before yours, I want to put a little more of a spotlight on my needs while still meeting the needs of my family.  I know it can be done and I will be a happier person to have found that illusive balance.

I have an additional motivation on the weight loss side of this project.  I am scheduled for my third back surgery in the fall to remove benign tumours.  I will continue to grow these tumours until my life ends (at least that is what I believe) and will have to have surgeries to remove them.  I know that I cannot have surgeries every couple of years, so eventually this option will run out. I need to get my body into shape and healthy while I am still able.

My goal is to lose 40 lbs in 3 months.  A little ambitious? Hard?  Crazy? YES!!! But I am motovated and focused and I have dragged a couple girlfriends into the challenge.

So, me and the girls are going to have weekly challenges and all blog about our successes and challenges.  I am so lucky to have these amazing girls to go through the challenge with me.  We will all face different challenges along the way, but they can lean on me and I know I can lean on them. 

For now, I am looking at the next 3 months, but just as the blog title says, this is a project to improve my life by forty.  I have 4 years (I turn 36 in October) to do this.

Tonight is the last night before the challenge.  I had a great dinner and laughs with my best friend Kelly.  Tomorrow the challenge begins.  Not sure what the first week challenge will be (I'll find out tomorrow) but whatever it is, I am in this for the long haul.

Tomorrow I will give you my starting stats - yikes - a little scary to post my weight and how wide I am.  But you cannot change things you cannot acknowledge.

See you tomorrow!